30 today!

I am 30 today, it may as well have been 40, 50, or anything like that.. or even zero years old for that matter. Nothing has changed really. Nothing ever seems to change. I am as helpless as the day as I was born. Unable to change myself or anything around me. Misery and Suffering are everywhere around me. I dont even have to turn and yo! it is grinning in my face. The only way I can handle them is by forgetting about them temporarily. I can understand why people need to get high, like never before.

If there is anyone called God, it is high time he showed some grace. Should it be really my helplessness and sorrow, that should make me start believing in such a thing? The other option being, have to face my utter pathos and inability to help anything or anyone. It is at these times.. that I wish there were a god.. and he would listen to me praying. I mean, the God, the creator of the Universe, shouldn't he have a more pleasing way to make people look towards him?