Non Markovian Mind
I feel like I have to go back to past. My current state of mind, is completely dependant on history. I feel like I have to go back.. unearth all the dead and burried,the decaying and the dried up. I feel I have to soak them in water and bring life in to them..Shake them, ask questions.. get answers.. set it ALL right..in black and white.
For good or for bad, I need the truth.. I need to find the truth, and then I can burn all the corpses... The shraaddha of past..and launch the ashes in to oblivion..
I want burn the leper wounds that stick to me .. and eat in to me day after day..I want them gone.. I want to make a fresh start.
I want to come back and make a fresh start. Past is heavy.. unerazable.. and moving is hard. Raising my eyes to look ahead hurts every time. The intensity does not go down
no matter how when or what..
posted by nphard @ 5:10 PM
5 Comments
5 Comments:
is the past a burden ..heavy ..is it worse than future ..
one way to think about it ..
future is mystic/unanswered but a possibility. while if past has unresolved knotted moments it would be dragging
or past is the base .rather than pulling it you build on it ..thats what people say ..MOve On ..
I have no clue what "Move On" means coz I never knew where i am headed to .
Past is gone. You can dig and find something, but is it worth the "now"?
I dont know what "now" is worth.. All I can see is the huge shadow of what happened before.. All the hoopla about how one should move on does not matter.. If I cannot resolve and bring a closure, nothing matters!
I see that you have visited a lot of places..your are a Phd student,,how do you manage it?how do you get all these opportunities..i wish I could also visit all those places..btw, nice blog!
Thank you! I am a PhD student, only now, After my masters, I took a break for a year during which, I travelled in Venezuela and some of Western Europe.. I just got infinitely lucky!
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