Lethargy

Here I am..

Motivated by looking at great men ..
I am dreaming the dream of being some one I look up to..
What am I doing towards it?
I sit around .. most of the time.. like the time spent sitting, is worth its own while..
Doing the do's of gaining knowledge..only when the needs call..
Listening for ideas to spawn..hoping for a better tomorrow...
waiting for things to happen.. sometimes just waiting..

feeling worse and worse by the days? weeks? months? or I have lost track of time ?
and of course .. blogging about it!

I don't know where I am going..
I don't know if that is where I want to go..
But on the other hand, where would I rather go?
Would it be to a place that makes me better for the lazy-ass I am?
Should I rather go to a less demanding place.. where just my "natural charm" will earn me money? hah!

Why? I am doing things that make me feel better about myself..aren't I? (or so I believe). I have actually reached a place where pleasing some random set of people whom I care to please, is far gone (or has it become so seamless that I think that I am my own boss even when I am being lead by others?). This to the best of my knowledge(or ardent belief) is the thing I want to do with my life.

But, I am not working.. I am avoiding work.. I am scared of being mediocre as always.. but that doesn't force me to improve either. When things are going so that I understand them, and see a point, it is all fine. But, the moment, there is a ramp required in my learning, a ramp that requires me to breath harder and climb, I would rather let my inertia take over. I am not remotely inspired by complications and intricacies of the hoops that I need to go through in order to master anything.. I am not ready to put in the effort.. and what I want is just the fruit of it..And nothing less will please me!

Yeah yeah, I know it is every one's story..

To me, it is *MY* snowflake!