How would it be?

If every time I thought something about someone, the person I am thinking about knew what I was thinking?

Would Amma, Anna take comfort in the fact that I was thinking about them a lot? Or would they think , "what's in thinking ? thoughts are dime a dozen, why can't she be here?", Would they be disgusted by the dreadful thoughts that fill my mind when I panic how my life would be meaningless without them? and even in that, I am thinking about myself?

Would my husband know, how much or little I love him? and would that change anything in the way he feels about me? Or would he see the inseparable selfishness that comes with my love?

Would the people I care about, who don't care back, care any more ? or less?
I dare not imagine what happens when people I don't like, but tolerate, know how I feel!

More importantly, What would I think? knowing everyone can know what I am thinking? Would I train myself to go blank? Will I try to think only good things, so that I appear good to everyone? Will that altered version even be "me"?

What will I get to know if people are thinking bad things about me? How will I change then?

Where will my hypocrisy lead me in such a crisis?

My mind is getting overwhelmed by the repercussions, the possibilities, and the mysterious questions therein. I think there is a HELL lot to this question.. I need more time with it... but office hours are not the time to go chasing this line of thought.. :-)