Long live the Queen!!

Ajji went through the ordeal..

Amma and all her sisters pleaded her not to do it.. and cried with broken hearts.. in devastation.. Some people talked (in private) of how a revolution should happen against such rituals.. Some of the grandchildren whimpered mild protests.. All in all, each one of came face to face with the darkest of our fears..and saw how incapable we were.

All of us showed our support to Ajji..tried to comfort her by proclaiming our admiration, love and care for her. At the least, parts of our family came together in trying to help Ajji come out of this. We felt good about our plans to help Ajji deal with the misery.

But in truth, Ajji amazed all of us by her strength, grit and her spirits. We were only weaklings who were trying to hide our fears/inability under the scapegoat of our compassion towards her. Not only did she face the ugly eventuality, she slapped it in its face, and came out unscathed. She once again, proved to be the source of strength to all the family.

Amma told me the story in bits and pieces. At first, I thought I should not write this..exposing her private moments to the world.. But then, I hope that I and others who read this, can derive some inspiration from her story.. I hope that I can get at least a fraction of her strength in the face of adversities.. What she has, is not just strength... it is the unbelievable spirit of life! What a BRAVE, INVINCIBLE SPIRIT!! A spirit that REFUSES to feel down.. victimized... which can evaporate any sorrow by sheer denial!!

I tried to imagine myself in her shoes.. I would be feeling sad at my state, angry at fate, and bitter about the rest of the world. I would probably spend the rest of my life surrounding myself with that misery.. by allowing it to take over my thoughts and disposition. In the unspeakable cruelty of the misfortune and of the barbaric brahmin superstition, she is marching ahead with a courage, I can only dream of!

It breaks my heart to write this. Amma said, after the ritual, she asked for a pair of golden bangles, and a gold chain.. Apparently, simple jewelry is allowed in viduity. She told to her daughters, "I won't just give away all my silk sarees, I will keep them and wear them".. What a brave heart she has and an unrelenting soul! Our queen has once again staked claim to the throne as the rightful leader :-)...and we are ever so grateful for that.