About what C says

C is one of my friends whose opinion I value very much. Probably THE person whose opinion I value. I listen to him.. I argue with him.. I put my points and wait for him to respond..and I accept what he has to say if I find it sensible.. COMPLETELY and wholesomely I accept it..if it strikes to me as sensible.Today, I talked to him about a friend who is very passive atleast in the physical sense of the word.

She feels her life is something that she has to go through.. When I ask her, what is it that motivates her to keep going.. if everything that is going "on" in her life, is something that she has to go "through".. She says, " I dont know, and I dont spend time thinking about it". I asked her, why is she sad.. and how can she just surrender to being sad all the time.. Why cant she buckle up and fight it rather than just let it be.. She said it is like this.. there are many people in the world who dont know where their life is going.. They are not in LOVE with where it is going, but they are just not sad enough for them to do something about it. There is a general sense of dissatisfaction with work, with companions, with everything around them.. but it is not bad enough that they need do something about it.

I tried to tell her, Get up! wake up and try to do things that keep your mind OFF of such things.. The things that build up within your mind and you cant get it out of your mind, unless you fill your mind with stuff so that, you can literally smoke these thoughts out of your mind.. Like pumping water in to a well untill the silt rises up. She said "yes, yes, I completely agree with you" .. Although she said that, I got the feeling that my saying all this would have been more useful infront of a tone-deaf .. rather than her. I felt that the only reason that she was saying "yes, yes" was just to shut me up from further talking.. She did not consider my advice worth even a logical consideration.. She did not argue against it, she did not put the idea on a level ground against what she has right now.. and let them fight.. her idea and mine.. She just gave a decent goodbye to that idea, even before it arrived..

I was mad, sad and hurt. I thought, since her system of thinking is not working for her, the least she could do is try to see if there is any sense in mine..atleast try to give me a reason as to why she thinks my idea is not worth implementing.. or do SOMETHING..
I wanted her to pay attention so badly, not to me.. but to my idea. Not because it was MY idea, but just because her idea is not working for her.. I was hurt that I am incapable of saying anything to her that will actually help her. I was sad that she will never try out anything that I have to say.. and she will continue to be sad..

I told all this to C. I told him about everything.. and I said, why cant she even *CONSIDER* the possibility that it might be worth paying attention to.. I asked him, "Is this all I can do? just wait around seeing her waste away?"..

He said, he is somewhat like my friend, and he can understand where she is coming from. He said, "Her passivity might be the result of her having already thought of what you suggested and considered it not worth her while". He said "Most of the times, I dont seek other's opinion to solve my problem.. I think that If I cant solve my problem, any body can come up with something DRASTICALLY revolutionary in comparison to what I have already thought, that can help me solve the problem inspite of the constraints that I have". In that way, he says, my suggestions are probably going to be nothing that great or revolutionary paradigm, that will bring miracles in to effect. I said, "well, when your method is not working, say for example, in a math problem: u have used everything that u know and you cant arrive at a solution, the least you can do is consult someone, who has been through things like this before. May be he/she not an expert, but if there is an alternative path to be tried out, why not give it a shot?". He said, if I dont heed to what others have to say, it is mostly because he has already thought of it, and disposed it as useless.. In that sense, any advise given to him, would be redundant.

I asked him, "then is that it? how do you get to a solution?". He said in his case, "luck". I said, " I am asking any one to start implementing other's suggestion without considering its merit. But,atleast hear me out".
He said, "well what is the use, if you are going to say the samething which doesnt work for me?". So people who cant suddenly shift in paradigms of thinking,(which is most people in general), will have to just wait for life to shower them with solutions. Or, wait for luck to make some switch go off in their head, which makes them change their point of view.. so that they will think of doing things differently. I asked him, "So, all I can do is wait around and let her suffer, and not say anything until she figures it out in her own sweet time". He said, "well, you should keep putting alternative thoughts in her mind, whether she receives them or not, because when she wants to get out of her loop, she will have your offerings to choose from".

NOTHING THAT I SAY WILL HELP ANY ONE! They all have to figure things out on their own.. so I should shut up. once and for all.

Non Markovian Mind

I feel like I have to go back to past. My current state of mind, is completely dependant on history. I feel like I have to go back.. unearth all the dead and burried,the decaying and the dried up. I feel I have to soak them in water and bring life in to them..Shake them, ask questions.. get answers.. set it ALL right..in black and white.
For good or for bad, I need the truth.. I need to find the truth, and then I can burn all the corpses... The shraaddha of past..and launch the ashes in to oblivion..
I want burn the leper wounds that stick to me .. and eat in to me day after day..I want them gone.. I want to make a fresh start.

I want to come back and make a fresh start. Past is heavy.. unerazable.. and moving is hard. Raising my eyes to look ahead hurts every time. The intensity does not go down
no matter how when or what..